Pitch Black - Part 3
13:09:00Hi Guys!
Sorry this post is a bit late - I was at my friends birthday sleepover. Anyway as promised there is a longer section today. Enjoy...
The first week
in the hospital was spent just sleeping, eating, playing games on my iPad.
Deleting all my music and writing. I wrote a lot. As I could no longer find
refuge in music I made a refugee camp in writing. And reading. I went through a
book a day so after five days I was gifted a kindle. My thoughts were more
tangled than the headphones I lost. Except for one word. One word was clear as
day. One word circled my brain, cutting through all my thoughts. Why? Why me?
Why now? Why my hearing? Why is this happening? Why am I a scientific miracle?
Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?
The wait in the
hospital never seemed to end. Endlessly waiting. Waiting for test results.
Waiting to find out. Waiting to know. To know if I'll ever be able to hear
again. To find out if I can ever play my clarinet. Just waiting. Trying to
decide what I want to do now. Now I can't be a musician. Now my dreams have
been crushed. To a pulp. Nothing but dust. Rubble under the mess my deafness
has made. Now my life will never be the same again.
Chapter 3
After two weeks
they came back with my test results. My parents were with me when they told me,
they had stayed with me every day and night. Put their life on hold for mine.
We knew that they had taken moulds of my ears to see if hearing aids would help
me, but they told me that they wouldn't. So I was stuck in a void of darkness,
not being able to hear, rewriting my story. After that they discharged me.
There was nothing they could do to help me, so I didn't need to stay. Spending two weeks in the
hospital without Wi-Fi meant that it was so nice to be able to check Instagram;
only to find that my feed had been spammed with get well soon messages. Lovely.
Apart from the fact I can’t get well, I can only get over it, and I have a feeling that’s not going to happen any time soon. Without preparing myself or even thinking about it, I push open my bedroom door and catch sight of my one talent, just lying on the floor. Unused. I find tears starting to fill my eyes so I slam the door and leave my clarinet to
the dust along with my dreams.
Eventually I
know I'll have to face the black stick that lies in my cupboard. But for now, I
have more important things to concentrate on. Bigger things to cope with in
this life at this moment, mainly the fact that I woke up deaf and there is no
explanation. That's what I need to deal with. But maybe inadvertently dealing
with that is dealing with the object in my cupboard. Basically all I know is
I'm stuck under an avalanche and I don't know how to get out. But I do know
that I won't be able to take my GCSE's this year. I know that I just have to
put the rest of my life on hold until I learn sign language or become an expert
at lip reading. And I know that people will feel sorry for me, and I know that
I don't want that. I know that I want normality.
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